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October 21, 2008

Volume 1, Issue #013 Anger Management Tips

A Note From Jim

Feature Article: Anger Management Tips

Hi, Jim here presenting you with the next bi-weekly E-zine edition. Anger Management is the current buz phrase around state, local and federal courts for any non-intimate partner violence. As you would expect this involves a very wide range of behaviors from purse snatching to murder. Fortunately, in most cases it refers to issues between these two extremes. That is, violent acts towards other individuals which are impulsive acts or behaviors that demonstrate a lack of appropriate personal restraint. The majority of anger management problems are not prosecuted or litigated. Our office has been offering services for anger management since it opened in 1982. Most treatment for this was sought on a voluntary basis until the late 90's. Over time we've noticed that with some exception the counseling in this area has focused on one of several points. Below, five areas of focus are identified as primary "anger management" themes. These are offered as ideas and not expected to decrease the need for treatment. If someone has been struggling with one or more of these dynamics it's recommended that they seek assistance from a qualified professional. _________________________________________________________________

Anger Management Tips

We are living in a fast paced world of quick solutions. Over time people have increasingly focused on how to achieve goals and have moved away from the concepts or philosophies behind the goals. The rise in the problematic expression of anger is indicative of this trend. People are trying to make things work or happen using fast shortcut and aggressive methods. These methods are frequently identified as being anger management problems. In our practice, we have helped people break down their counterproductive responses to the world and help them find more positive and successful solutions to the problems. Five of these methods are listed below.

1. The first anger management tip is not to plan violence as a response. How often have you experienced irritating behavior on the part of another and thought...." the next time they do or say this, I'm going to...." Much of the time this is simply a thought designed to release stress and not intended as an action, but unfortunately other options are not being considered and when you are particularly tired, frustrated or angry, the violent plan may be put into effect. If you catch yourself 'planning violence try to replace it with productive positive non violent solutions in order for violence to be avoided.

2. The second tip is an exercise designed to help an individual depersonalize their experience of the world. When we view mishaps or problems as personalized attacks towards us we more easily justify pushing back. Frequently the mishaps that we experience are not in fact about us. Rather they are circumstantial, random or developmentally related phenomena that are not intended to be personal insults against the individual. The exercise involves the person stepping back from their feelings and the recent event. The goal is to consider possible reasons for these events occurring other than being personal attacks or insults to the person. As the person learns to view these events in a less personal way they become less inclined to respond with aggression.

3. The third tip is that individuals should learn to delay their response to an incident or issue when they are angry until they are less angry and more emotionally stable and/or thinking rationally. In other words, the individual learns not to take action while they are angry. If they do act while they are angry, not only are they likely to escalate a volatile issue, they are also likely to be ignoring predictable consequences of their behavior.

4. The fourth tip relates to times that people are intending to insult or attack a person. This should be viewed as an invitation to fight. The person has the option of declining the invitation. In fact, if they respond by fighting they are being indirectly controlled by the initiator of the conflict. They are remaining more independent by choosing not to respond in an aggressive manner. They need to practice acting on their own feelings rather than responding to other people's feelings.

5. The fifth tip is that people should study themselves in order to identify their most common triggers for angry episodes. Once these are identified the avoidance of these triggers can be strategized.

All five of these tips are more easily understood than put into action. If you recognize a need to master one or more of these methods, it's recommended you contact our office or a professional of your choosing to help you be successful in your goal.

Hope this has been helpful.

Until next time.

Jim Foster

_________________________________________________________________ Recommendations:

Anger Management Evaluation

Anyone who is concerned about their own anger management skills, we recommend that they obtain an anger management evaluation. Appropriate programs will be provided. We provide services for children, adolescents and adults.

Parent Success Program Our Parent Success Program is a skills based course in parenting. The course covers parenting from birth to adulthood. It is a discussion based class where parents talk about challenges that they are encountering along their parenting journey. Parents discuss, learn and are encouraged. The more involved a parent is increases the liklihood of raising happy and well adjusted children. Our goal is to help,guide and nurture parents so they in turn will confidently help, guide and nurture their children. Please call our office to inquire about your Parent Success Program.(603)668-7744. Parents may attend any or all of the classes. Please see the curriculum in the parenting section of our website http://www.counselingnh.com/parenting.html

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All the Best,

Jim Foster